Apologize

I apologize. I haven't posted in a week or so, and it's not that I don't have things to say. I have so many things that I just can't seem to keep up. So I apologize.

That was the perfect intro to one subject that's been on my mind. I don't know about you but saying "I'm sorry" can be a truly humbling experience. (I know cause I have to do it A LOT) It's hard but I do it. That's something I think we've come to toss around like it's nothing. On one of our lasts days at our old church I really said something rude, and it wasn't just the words, but the tone was horrible. When I went to apologize the man said, "Ok.". I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I'm not saying "I'm sorry" I'm sincerely apologizing for the way I spoke to you, both what I said and the way I said it." People are taken aback, because I don't want someone to say "it's okay", obviously it was NOT okay, I want someone to know that I am sincere, that I mean it, and I want them to accept my apology and forgive me. If I told you what it was about, you would agree that it would be frustrating, and if I told you what I said you would maybe even agree with my choice of words, but if you had heard the WAY I said it, you'd gasp a little, click your tongue, shake your head, and say "Jen, it's just not okay to talk that way to people." I ask you to watch in your everyday lives how many times you say "sorry", and how many times people say "it's okay" and how often things would be better rectified by a sincere humble apology.

When we come to our Father and say "sorry" He will accept it, if we continue the behavior and say "sorry" it starts to lose meaning, we have to say "sorry" with our whole heart and ask that the Lord forgive us. We should be beacons of His Light to others and continue on in this way.

Apologizing to anyone (especially the Lord) can be completely humbling. How do you like your crow? *I like mine deep fried and covered in gravy* Think of a time where someone went against you and a sincere apology would go a long way to rectify your feelings. We're sincere with the Lord, let's be sincere with each other.

James 5:16

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Book Review *Great Information*

I Don't Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist written by Frank Turek and Norman Geisler.

This book is full of some great examples for Christianity vs Atheism. The introductions have some amazing personal anecdotes, it's a simple matter of finding an understanding. I had the privilege of Norman Geisler being a guest speaker at my church one week and sharing so much information with us. I work with a man who is an atheist and I find it hard to talk to him (let alone try to witness to him) because I have no understanding of being an atheist. He is actually why I wrote my blog to non believers.

Geisler and Turek take on science, other denominations, and other religions as well as atheism and show how faith is present in all circumstances. It has given me a calmer attitude when I am working with this gentleman where before I just felt anxious. This man's father was a minister and his mother was an atheist. He always felt closer to his mother, so it's not like the Word was not in his life he simply chose to ignore it.

This book is filled with diagrams, history, and different on topic explanations that have certainly benefited my studies as well as personal growth in my Christian walk. At first I put off reading it because it seemed like so much information at once but I took it chapter by chapter, took my time, really read what was being said, and found an absolute power in their teaching. Oh, how the Lord works through people to reach us.

If you are studying to have a ministry, or just like to learn about diversity, or maybe just for personal growth, this is an amazing resource.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Hold up wait a minute...

So, I was at work the other day, when the doorbell rang. When I opened it, standing there, was a young man and a boy. The man and I exchanged greetings and then I waited for him to tell me why he was there. He said, "I want to ask you a question. Do you think God cares about you?" Without hesitation I said, "Absolutely!" He seemed baffled for a second. (I have no idea what he was thinking) He said he was glad I had said that. Asked me if I would accept a "Watchtower" from him (which I did) and asked if he and another person could stop by sometime. (A woman I'm sure) I said sure he could try, but I'm not always there and let him know when I work there. Why did I do it? Mormon and Jehovah's Witness Missionaries do not fit into my belief system. They have different doctrinal beliefs. So why did I not slam the door in his face? Why didn't I tell them that I felt that his beliefs twist my Bible and are inappropriate? Why didn't I yell at him, call him names, curse at him, or turn him away? He wouldn't be out on a foggy cold day, if he did not believe in what he was talking about. He wouldn't have his small brother out on a foggy cold day if he didn't believe in what he was talking about. It doesn't matter what the denomination is we all feel convicted of our beliefs. And there are Christians in every church. Plus these missionaries get enough door slamming, swearing, mistreatment. I'm not going to be one of them. Welcome to my home, we can discuss whatever you like, if you want to have a discussion. I am strong in my convictions. So let's chat. I cannot be mean and rude to someone who wants to save me. Right or wrong, they're trying to save me. I have cousins and aunts and uncles who are affiliated with certain churches I don't necessarily agree with. However, they are my family and I love them and they're amazing people. The people who come to your door are someone's brother, sister, aunt, uncle, mom, dad etc. Respectfully decline their presence in your home, but come on, don't be mean.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

How TV made me cry

I was flipping through the TV channels today when this woman came on all prepped for surgery. Those who know me already know that I am fascinated by operations, autopsies, and the general functions of the body. For those that don't know me, I begged them to let me watch my own C-section. I'm not into gore, I have a very curious nature.

So, there's a woman all prepped and I stopped to watch. (Didn't even see the incision). However, all of a sudden there is a baby, and a mostly unconscious mom, and a brand new daddy. Now this daddy, very different from my daughter's father, was taking pictures of the baby, even all covered in goo. He was kissing his wife's forehead, telling her what he was seeing, he was asking if she was okay, he thanked her. He kissed her forehead, and thanked her for their brand new child. He had a look of pride when he was looking at his daughter... his face said "That's MY baby. I made that". The cameras picked back up when they were in recovery, dad had gone to buy flowers for his wife. He was in a chair right by her bed touching his wife's arm and his daughter at the same time. They were all linked, tears in his eyes... so thankful everyone was okay.

I sobbed. I'm tearing now because I feel robbed. My daughter was born 361 days after I was married. They started inducing me 12 days after my EDD (estimated due date) on Wednesday September 12 at 6 am. I finally had my daughter Saturday September 15th at 4:19 am. My husband was there the whole time. Walked with me in the hospital all Wednesday. Walked through the town all Thursday. And sat in the room all day Friday. Only he wasn't walking beside me. He was behind me pushing me. Telling me how a real woman wouldn't have to be induced. Friday the whole family showed up. My water broke after 13 hours of Petocin in an IV and after they tried to break my water. Labor hit fast and hard. My mom, my aunt, my brother, my husband, his mom, his two sisters, his father, our pastor and his wife, several nurses, my doctor, a few interns, an anesthesiologist, and two women who made a wrong turn were all there. (The two women just stayed and chatted for a bit, they didn't really bother me) My husband had taken the birthing classes with me, but refused to help me remember to breathe. My mom was telling him he needed to help me and he just shook his head and sat on the other side of the room. She hadn't had a child in 14 years but she did her best, and we were turning purple from all the panting... :) I love my mom. My aunt took over and we managed until the anesthesiologist showed up. I had planned on trying to have a natural birth but things were not going my way. As I was pushing my husband said "Glad to see you finally getting some exercise." I hadn't gained too much weight, I've never been skinny, but was healthy. That moment made me stop. I stopped trying to push. I just laid there and waited. Finally my doctor came in and said if I didn't start pushing he was taking her. I looked at my husband and shrugged at the doctor. I remember saying "Do what you have to do." There were funny moments, at one point someone said the word "placenta" and my brother who was 14 at the time said, "Isn't that that flower you get at Christmas?", it was so funny that 9 years later we all still laugh about it. There were moments of compassion, my MIL rubbed my feet a little bit to try and help me relax. Mostly though, I remember the heartbreak. They finally wheeled me into the O.R. and my husband was there near my head, but my anesthesiologist was the one talking to me, he was holding my hand, he was the one telling me I was doing a good job, that it was almost over. I remember when she was born and she started to cry my first thought was, "Who brought a baby in here? Don't they see I'm having surgery?" The drugs were strong. My husband completely disconnected from me at that point. I was in pain from the C-section for several weeks and if I said anything about it he'd say, "A real woman wouldn't have had a C-section." If I asked for help with the baby is got, "You wanted it." And I relive all that anytime someone I know is pregnant, or even someone I don't know. I read a blog today from Monday January 17. I'll post the link at the bottom. This woman calls her husband Mr. Amazing. In one of her other posts I read that she found as she has been calling him that she believes it more and more. I have another name for my ex husband.... (slightly evil grin) I'm kidding. She posts about how great of a father he is, how great of a husband he is. I was just thinking, "Thank you God. I'm so thankful you have made men that have integrity." That's how TV made me cry... That's my story of labor and delivery. I'm sure my friend Jeremy wanted to know all that. (Sorry Jeremy) ;) I was under the impression during my pregnancy that our child would bring us closer. And after my pregnancy I saw us falling further and further apart. Jealousy, anger, fear, pain...they made up marriage. They were also, what ruined it. I love how God is faithful. That He has made men of integrity, of faith, of Godliness, men in His own image, because if that is what I have to look forward to, for my daughter's future, I'd be afraid. And even now, almost done with this very personal insight, as I'm feeling heartbroken, the Lord is faithful, He is holding me up, wiping my tears, telling me that He will never leave or forsake me. That I am a "real" woman. That I am strong and brave and His. That I am HIS daughter. And I am not sad anymore. I've shared because I am right now watching a friend (non believer) go through this SAME thing. Her "partner" stands in the back watching her struggle through her pregnancy, and I am thinking how alone she must feel, because at least I had my Father to lean on.

Mr. Amazing post link: http://servantwifemother.blogspot.com/2011/01/mr-monday_17.html

Be thankful for your spouse. They will never be perfect, but they could be like mine was... LOL I'm kidding. He had his good points, but they disappeared very quickly. If I ever marry again I think I will use this technique and refer to my husband as something wonderful, because it's easier to believe it if you say it. Thank you Heather!


*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

My Plan/His Plan

I was thinking about things the other day. I was thinking about the plans I had for my life. (You know that old saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your life plans.") I remember wanting to go to The Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. It was my college of choice. I had no back ups. It's where I needed to go. I can remember wanting to be a lawyer, a pediatrician, a surgeon, a nurse, a member of search and rescue, a chef, a mom, a wife, a social worker, an author, an artist, and the most interesting for my personality, a teacher. I didn't go to the Moody Bible Institute. I'm not any of the things I wanted to be. (Except a mom) I'm waiting. I will be someday. I'm waiting for God to say.. "GO!". I keep laying out my dreams, looking to God, "how about this one?". Sometimes I wish He would let me in on His plan for me. Just a little. All I know at this point is that it's big. I'm building up for His work. Strapping on the artillery, putting on the gear, fitting into the armor, carrying the sword. I may not do anything I had planned or wanted... but I'm gonna be a warrior. I'm going to keep standing, keep praying, keep learning, and keep loving the Lord, because when He finally calls me... I'm going to be ready to go.

Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. 2 Timothy 2:3 (KJV)

The Armor of God

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. Ephesians 6:10 (NIV)

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Book Review (My favorite)

One of my favorite books of ALL TIME is called "HELP! I'm Being Intimidated By The Proverbs 31 Woman" by Nancy Kennedy.
This book is actually no longer in print and I've purchased it through used bookstores and Amazon.com. I first read this book when I was 18 years old. My ex husband was 19 and I was pregnant with our daughter. Everyday I was badgered and hounded and plagued by the "submission rant". Him, his mom, his dad... over and over and OVER! They made submission ugly and something to be feared. I picked the book up randomly while looking for someone, some author, to help me. I was alone up against a force bigger than me. "Bullies" if you will. Nancy Kennedy took the 31st chapter of Proverbs and made it funny and really let her bold and beautiful personality and cleverness shine through. She made me understand what it takes to be a VW (no not Volkswagon, silly!) virtuous woman. She made it okay to not be perfect, and she let me see her own struggles. In my case the battle was hard and not one I would ever win. I have a clear understanding of submission and a wife's role. She was a friend and mentor when I needed one, and she continues to be a light to me. Even though I am not married anymore, I'm hopeful. She has several other books available, all wonderful,but this is one that really impacted me and who i am today.

Sisters Martyr

SISTERS MARTYR

I’m standing in the arena

The crowd is out for blood

My sisters huddle against me,

We’re surrounded by Your Love.

I say a silent Prayer to You

“Lord please help me to be bold.”

I start to sing a hymn we know

My sisters grab a hold.

Jehovah, Lord, you are my God

You’ve delivered us from sin

You’re in charge, You’re the King,

You’ll deliver us again.

They’ve let the beasts out

They can smell our fear

We sing louder for You, God

They are so very near.

The crowd has fallen silent

They don’t know what to do.

Cause though we’re truly terrified,

We’re singing Lord to You.

They’re circling our huddle

We’re standing strong before the beasts

It’s going to start any minute,

Their breath is hot upon our cheeks.

Tears are falling freely now,

Screams begin to fill the air.

I’m still singing for You, Lord

Though, this is much to bear.

The crowd is still silent,

My sisters are all with You.

I raise my voice even higher,

As the beasts come into view.

They asked me to renounce You,

To say I’ll bow to their king,

Lord, I welcome this chance,

This is why I sing.

As I tell my tale to you,

Beyond the Pearly Gates

I know I pleased you Father,

In a war against pure hate.

Jennifer Grimm

This poem was inspired by the first chapter of the book "Martyr of the Catacombs" -- author unknown.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Choices

Last year I was in prayer for God's will on a very difficult issue. Oh, that wonderful Father, He steadied His hand on me and said "Wait." I find myself in another precarious position, once again telling God that I want His will. If you know me, you know I have a stress disorder that causes seizures if I get too overloaded. If you don't know me, well, now you know. Here I am, trying so hard not to over think, or get too anxious, because let's face it, when has a hospital bill or losing a driver's license helped anyone. My mom just looks at me and says "Jen, this is where faith comes in." Yes, Mom it is. When I was younger, ahem, 21 ish, I prayed fervently about my situation, I stressed and allowed fear and anxiety to rule my heart and mind and refused to believe what Veggietales had taught me (no not that veggie pirates are lazy) but that "God is bigger than the Boogeyman!" I am standing here, looking over the edge of uncertainty, looking for a bridge, or a rope swing, or even a guy with a helicopter, knowing that I'm just going to have to jump. This time, I refuse to take my eyes from the Lord. I refuse to even entertain for a minute that I am in this alone. I refuse to stress over it. Every time I have tried to take over, every time I take the reigns from the Lord, I end up in a rut. On my knees crying out, "Lord, help me get out of this awful mess I made!" Here I am once again running at the edge of uncertainty, just as fast as I can, because I know He'll be there to catch me. Maybe at the bottom, maybe in the middle, or just maybe, this time, He'll help me learn to fly. I am who God say I am. I can be who God says I can be.
Also, I quickly want to appeal to my brothers and sisters for prayer for one of my cousins. They're family is experiencing something very difficult and they need all the prayers and uplifting they can get. Thank you so much.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Faith for the non believer

Let's be honest, if you're reading my blog and you are a non believer, you're thinking..."Bible thumping, goody goody, Jesus Freak." I've been called worse. I have a question for you. Before I ask it, I want you to know that I'm not judging you. I know that not all people will become believers, that not all will come to know God, that some people will mock Him, and me. It is my job to offer you what I know and love most, my God. Whether you take it or not is not going to affect me and my relationship with my Lord. Christians will sometimes browbeat non believers to get them to come to Christ when, in fact, a majority of the time, it does the opposite. It's the infamous "If being a Christian means being like you... no thanks." I'm a Christian. I love God more than anyone or anything in my life. I'm perfectly comfortable saying that. Now for my question. If the two choices for death are being "worm bait" and having a life afterward with a loving God... why would you choose nothing? I'm not afraid to die. God has promised me wonderful things, and that beats out nothing. I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm afraid of the dark. Just a little but I don't want to die and be buried in the dark. I want to die and then live again in the light. In the glorious Light that is my Savior. If I didn't believe, I'd be afraid to die. I'm not losing anything by being a Christian. I'm gaining so much. I KNOW God is real. I'd be so afraid if all I had to look forward to is the dark. I'm not brow beating, I'm not judging, I'm asking... Why choose nothing, when you can have Everything?

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

I am who God says I am

When I lived back home (in Idaho) I was going to church and we had an amazing affirmation. It is, "I am who God says I am, I can be who God says I can be, no more excuses, no more delays, I have greatness in me, in Jesus' name." Sometimes I forget that. I get so busy, I work so much, I forget me, a lot. Everything I do for the last 9 months or so has been on auto pilot. I don't taste food, I simply eat because it's habit. I don't rest, I sleep because I'm supposed to. I stopped singing. Now, I love to sing... but somehow I stopped doing it. The other day I was listening to music, realized I haven't sang my heart out in a long time, and panicked. So I turned up the tunes, opened up my diaphragm, and warbled like never before. I'm not a great singer, I'm not even close, but I was out of practice and it scared me. What if I can't get it back? I was "that" kid growing up. I never had a broken bone, never had any serious injuries, always hung on the edge of safety. I tried my hardest to blend in, I didn't speak in classes, I tried to fly under the proverbial radar. And I always failed. People notice me. When I'm quiet it's intense, until I'm comfortable, I'm quiet. I make people uncomfortable. When my peers were experimenting with cigarettes, alcohol, sex and later drugs, I was calling my mom for a ride home. When my friends were hiding from their parents I was bringing friends to church (when I could encourage them to go) I've always been different. I hang back and see what happens, I people watch instead of join in, I look everywhere for danger. I was never invisible to the Lord. He always saw me, He always heard me. Here I am with the great gift, this one life, and I keep fading into the background, afraid. I don't want to be afraid. I'm not going to be. I'm going to live life out loud. I'm going to sing, as loud as I can, I'm going to learn to play my guitar, I'm going to do the things I was afraid to before. I'm going to stand up for Christ, praise Him with everything I have, and not try to blend into the background, that's how you get lost. I am who God says I am. I can be who God says I can be. No more excuses, no more delays. I have greatness in me, in Jesus' name!
And so do you.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Blessings

It's so easy to praise God when we have abundant blessings. It almost rolls off our tongues automatically.... "Thank God... I got that job, I got there safely, My kids are safe." "Thank God." Yesterday, I was working and my client had a PET scan which took two and a half hours! No one told me I'd be in a waiting room for that long, but for Christmas my mom bought me a Nook by Barnes and Noble. Yesterday I was seriously thanking God for allowing us the technology we have. I sent my mom this text message"Thank God and you for the Nook. This is taking forever!" I meant it, it wasn't a flip 'Thank God." Plus it was wonderful because I was able to use it as a tool to witness a little. There's ALWAYS an opportunity to talk about God. It started out so innocently. Random guy in the waiting room: "Is that one of those ebook thingys?" Me: "Yeah it's great." Random guy: "What kind of books do you have and how much do they cost." Me: "I have several novels from the free nook book store,(Hook) some I purchased, (Line) would you like to take a look?" Random Guy: "Well, sure, what are you reading now?" Me: (smile) "Right now I'm studying." Random Guy: "Studying what?" Me: (bigger smile) "The book of Job." (Sinker) Random Guy: "I tried reading the Bible once. It's too big. Too much information for just saying "be good to other people." The ensuing conversation made some others uncomfortable. But then, that's okay. We looked over a passage or two. Talked about it. Bottom line..... Thank God for my Nook.

Is is so easy when we're suffering? I found it hard when I was out of work, when I didn't have a home, when my life was painful, to remember to praise God. I found ways. I'm happier when I can praise Him. "Praise God I have this opportunity to spend time with my daughter." "Praise God, You're going to teach me something aren't You?" Those were my main praises. I have to remind myself that He is in control of my situation. Sure, I have free will, but when I flex my muscles and try and take control things usually get more difficult until I finally let go and let God take over. Sometimes, I literally throw my arms in the air and say "Whatever God. Whatever Your will is, I want it." That's what faith is, it's looking at nothing, knowing that God will make something out of it. It's submitting to something amazing, letting go of what you never had control of in the first place. Even when I fail, when I just KNOW I've let Him down, I remind myself that I haven't surprised Him. He knows my story. He knows the ending. It's like when we were kids. We'd sit on our mom or dads laps in the car "steering", but they always worked the pedals, and they were always close enough to take the wheel. As Carrie Underwood's song says, "Jesus take the wheel." Take control and remind me to praise You, to love You, to put the thankfulness first, so that You may be honored.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Modern Medicine (ADD/ADHD/OCD vs GOD)

* Disclaimer * I am not a doctor, nurse, or in any way affiliated with the medical field. This blog is my opinion only. Based on MY frustrations with these labels. I'm not saying people do not benefit from the medicines used, I'm not saying that they are not real disorders. I'm saying that we use labels way too often.

Today, I was told by a friend, "I think you're bi polar." Last year I was told by my cousin, "You're like my son, you must have ADHD." I am slightly rigid in some aspects of my life and have been called "OCD". Those who truly know me know I just have a few strange idiosyncrasies. (They're part of my charm) "You should be put on anti-depressants." is another of my favorites.

I think we've taken sadness, loneliness, too much caffeine, too much junk food, too fast paced of a life and started labeling our emotions. If we're sad about something, death, loss etc. we're depressed. Rather than taking the time out of our crazy busy schedules, or asking for help we'd rather take a pill. There are 29 common anti depressants out there. All with severe side affects. But, if one doesn't work, there are 28 more to try.

LIVESTRONG.com reports that bi polar disorder affect 5.7 million adults in the U.S. every year. The drugs for this disorder include, anti depressants, mood stabilizers and anti psychotics. There are about 17 listed on LIVESTRONG.com.

ADD and ADHD is a very touchy subject. Yep, and I'm one of "those people". I think that ADD and ADHD has evolved to our lifestyles. Back in the day a kid would cut up and dad would whip his butt by the shed outside. There was never an excuse to misbehave. Society has basically taken corporal punishment away from parents, which is fine. However, now we have children, small children heavily medicated at all times. So even if we take away spanking for misbehavior, we have children who do not get enough exercise, eat too much fast food, or processed foods and their little bodies aren't running properly. I'm not saying that anyone is wrong, I'm giving my opinion. When I go to the gym, I feel better, last night I had a bunch of fresh veggies for supper and slept better than I had in months. It's a hard rut to get out of, but I am going to try.

I have severe white coat syndrome. (that's one I'll admit to) My blood pressure increases around physicians, or doctors of any kind, dentists do it too. I am extremely anxious and can't seem to be calm in a doctor's setting if the appointment is for me. Maybe that is why I get so prickly when people start to label me. Either that or just because I'm tired of hearing the labels, which in some cases seem to be excuses for bad behavior. I think I'm going to keep laying my burdens down with the Lord, start eating right, exercise properly, lose weight (which I certainly need to do) and see if I can make these changes by myself. I don't need the labels ADD/ADHD/OCD/BI POLAR/DEPRESSION when I can have the label GODS GIRL! (Plus those doctors are scary.) I'm vlogging now for life changes, but not posting yet, too nervous to load the real me on the web just yet. But I will.

I surely didn't mean to offend anyone, or make anyone feel bad, this is just how I feel about being called these things. I hate it for me. Kind of like being fat. I love everyone, but I get so mad at myself for allowing myself to get so heavy. I'm just that hard on myself though I assure you. Someday none of this will matter, God loves me, fat or not. Be blessed!

Thanks to Google search for some great information and med lists.
And LIVESTRONG.COM for an abundance of amazing material as well.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Job ch 1&2

So, Job chapter 1. What an amazing faithful man! Job is healthy and relatively wealthy, and obviously wise. In v.6 Satan comes to God and God says "Where'd you come from?" Satan was like, "I've been all over this earth thing you've made." The Lord said, "Have you seen my son Job? He's perfect, and there is none like him. He fears God, and escheweth evil." (Kept some KJV there) Satan said, "He doesn't fear you by himself, You've kept Job in Your hand placed a hedge of protection so that in his health and wealth he has no reason not to love and honor You. Go ahead, take away his wealth and he will curse You." God being a loving God, and knowing what Satan couldn't, Job's heart, He reached down and took Job's wealth, his animals, his people, his land, and his house. Chapter 1 vs. 20 Job tore off his outer clothes, shaved his head, fell to the ground and worshiped. After losing EVERYTHING! He said, "I came here with nothing and I'll return with nothing, God gave everything and God took it away! Blessed is the name of the Lord." Job did not sin or curse God's name. In chapter 2 God has another run in with Satan and He says,"Look, you turned Me against Job and still he remains true to Me. I destroyed all of his wealth for no reason and he STILL worships Me!" Satan says, "Sure, You took his things, but if You were to destroy his body he'd turn on You." God said, "Okay, do with him what you will, but you cannot take his life." In vs 7 Satan covered Job's body with boils, head to toe. Job took a piece of broken pottery to scrape himself with and sat among the ashes. In vs. 9 Job's wife comes and says,"You still have your integrity? Through all of this? Curse God and die." Job says,"You're speaking like the foolish women speak. What can you mean? That we worship God when he gives us abundant blessings, but not when evil works against us?" He never spoke against the Lord.
Job 1 - 2:10

This is where I'll stop. I study with a KJV Bible cross referencing with NAS and NIV. Above is simply so you can reference when I finish my thoughts. ALWAYS best to have your own Bible out. This is my own quick overview of the account.

Couple of points. God will allow Satan to attack us. But, He is always in control of the severity of the attack. In chapter 2 vs 6 God tells Satan, do to his body what you will, but DO NOT KILL HIM! That was God's declaration, that Satan can do any thing to Job except kill him and Job will remain faithful to the Lord. Can you imagine. Having everything and then losing it all for no reason, then having your health/body attacked, and remaining perfectly faithful? Oh, I hope we can all have perfect faith like Job.

My other point is this. Did you hear Job's wife? "We've lost everything, let's give up." How sad for Job to look around for his help mate and hear that. This presses on me because when I was married, sometimes my husband looked for his help mate and I wasn't very helpful. I didn't curse God or anything, but I let my husband suffer sometimes when I wasn't more encouraging.
Job also says to his wife,"You're speaking like foolish women speak." Implying that prior to that conversation he held her in some esteem above foolish women. I can remember times when my husband would say things like that. "How can you not see the benefit of this? I thought you were smarter than that." "How do you not have enough faith in God and in me as your husband to not just do what I ask." I always felt like I was getting an "F" in How to be a Christian Wife 101. If I only knew then what I know now...

Can we have perfect faith? Through everything? Can we go through trials and suffering and stay true to the Lord? When I'm being attacked I actually find it more helpful to know that God is still in control. That Satan can't go whole hog wild. Even in my suffering God is in control! I love it! Job's wife may have needed a quick lesson from the Proverbs 31 woman I think. I'm just saying...

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

2010/2011

I didn't get my last post posted as planned, too much happening all at once. But, it's 2011...
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Now, I'm not judging, but, how did you ring in the new year? I mean, customarily, there are parties with friends and alcohol... I happened to go to WalMart New Year's Day and NO ONE was there... I assumed there were a lot of hangovers being nursed. I checked my facebook account and there was an awful lot of horror stories. Me, I watched an 80's movie, a classic, Can't Buy Me Love, read my nook for a bit, and at midnight gave my daughter some bedtime kisses and sent her to bed. Once she was all tucked in and squared away, spent some time talking to God about all the blessings I had in 2010 and my heart's goals for 2011. Of course, my biggest is that He have His way with my life. That was the prayer last year and it remains steadfast for this year. I was able to move on from negative "friendships" and leave people behind that needed to be left there. I found my family, my father, step mother, and brothers in 2010. I made new friends. Yes, the Lord has blessed me in 2010 and, I feel, will continue to bless me in 2011. A couple of things I want to work on, but this is an ongoing thing rather than a resolution, being a better steward of my time and my money. Having the reserve to be healthier. Oh Lord, help me with these things in which I struggle. This is why women need a husband.... LOL! I need a help mate! Little anti feminism humor there... For the new year I bought a dining set and an entertainment center. *MAJOR ASSEMBLY REQUIRED* I tried to get my dear friend to come help me assemble, but sadly, he said it required some sort of jet propelled pack or something. Sometimes, I don't like living far away from friends. I did finally get it all assembled and it's perfect. What a wonderful provider my God is! I am called to read Job now, and I will post about my thoughts on this first chapter shortly. Until then, my brothers and sisters, be blessed.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *