Thoughts (this just tumbled out)

I'm homesick and heartsick
Lonely and sad
Sometimes I feel like
I'm not enough

No matter how much I work,
Or how much I give
I feel so dead inside
All i want is to live

I want to not be afraid
I want to fight through the pain
I want to slow my life down
I want to cry in the rain

I want to write more than some
Outdated cliches
I want to be real and loud
I want to smile in the rain.

I want to live life out loud
Stand my own ground
I want to stay strong and true
I want to fight God for You

I want to know love someday
I want to know peace and pray
I scream in my pillow
When life goes astray

It's just me and You
That much is true
I lean on Your Grace
And that see's me through

Your lift up my heart
When it's laid on the ground
You seek my heart
When I'm lost You are found

You're hide to my seek
For You I'm enough
You open me up
When I'm acting too tough

You are my rest and reserve
You're my Prince and my Crown
You're the One I rely on
When I've fallen down

Jennifer Grimm 12-29-10

A common question is "have you ever been in love?" I've always said no. I like to think i have but, love never ends. I realized that today when my heart was breaking (I'm not sure why) that I have been in love, I AM in love. My Savior loves me more than anyone could ever love me. He will NEVER let me down, NEVER give up on me, and NEVER say I am not who I am meant to be. I have what He wants for me, JOY, the JOY of knowing that while I'm not exactly happy, I am BLESSED and JOYFUL, and right where He needs me to be. Oh Lord, I love you! Sometimes I fear that my journey will always be a lonely one, and I have to remind myself that I am NEVER alone. I have one more post for tomorrow. One more bit of rambling of 2010. But, for now, I am off my shift, on my way home, ready for some much needed conversation with my God. My Love. Sleep well.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Night Before an original inspired by a classic

twas the night before christmas and all through the land

every soldier was stirring with guns in their hand

no stockings were hung by the chimneys there

A palpable silence hung in the air

We civilians were nestled all snug in our beds

while the thought if our safety hung in their heads

With Johnson on duty, and Smith at his right

We were assured, a snug winter's night

When out from the East there arose such a clatter

Johnson sighted in, to see what was the matter

Calmly and steady he scanned the hillside

Then he chuckled and said, "Everything's alright."

The sun on the sand did little for heat

And standing for hours is hard on the feet

When what to exhausted eyes did appear

Airman Rio to say that shift change is near!

With his weapon at ready, eyes wide from his rest

He took on our safety, another best of the best.

He'd been dreaming of Christmas, the dinner at least

And he'd dreamed of his mama preparing the feast

The Goose and the Roast and the puddings and yams

The taters, and pies and the cranberry jam!

To the fun and the laughter, the family and friends

His mom and his dad, their love without end.

These thoughts flooded silence as he sat still his post

Remembering those at home he loved most.

The reason he sat in this very spot

The safety, the security, he's afforded this lot.

He's dressed all in green, from his head to his toe

Camouflaged smartly, and ready to go.

His M16 gun, he had slung on his back

Socks and MRE's he had stuffed in his pack

His eyes, always scanning, his ears on alert

His mouth always silent, his seat in the dirt,

His hair is cut high, like a soldiers must be

The words "do or die", he can look down to see

The soldiers give every part of themselves

And I pray when I see them in spite of my self

"Sweet Father please keep them safe and warm,

And deliver them Lord, from any and all harm,

Thank You for soldiers, who keep safe our land

Give them strength and endurance, from Your Mighty hand

On this Christmas Eve, while nestled in our beds,

May we all give thanks, with a bowing of heads,

For the men and the women, standing all night

To keep us all safe, til the dawns early light,

For every moment sacrificed, with ones that they love,

That they should be guarded by the One from above."

Jennifer Grimm 12 24 2010

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Unlovable Me

So as a Christian I crave knowledge of the Word. I've been to several different churches, bible studies, and different kinds of meetings. I was at a Bible study once when everyone started talking about love. Romantic love, God's love, love for other Christians, just love in general. All found themselves speaking of a man in town named Lloyd. Lloyd had fought in Korea, he'd served his country, been wounded in battle and had many scars to show for it. Lloyd was someone you had to look at but also needed to look away from. He was a man of little means, his clothes ragged and torn. His home was modest and because he was mostly blind it was very unkempt and run down. Every morning he would walk through town, have breakfast, get his mail, shop a little, and my daughter and her aunt and cousin were about 2 at the time I knew Lloyd. Every morning they would see him, run to him screaming "Lloyd Lloyd!", like he was the greatest thing around. He'd smile his toothless smile, hug each child in turn, and watch whatever antic the girls had to show him. He was always kind, he moved slowly, and spoke softly. He was a man. A real hero.
Now at this Bible study the people were telling each other how they cringed when he came by, how they couldn't bear to look at him, how as cashiers they hated to wait on him. Their point was that it is often difficult to love the unlovely. That the unlovely are in fact, unlovable. I said," The girls love him. He's kind to them, and the scars he bears are from defending our country. They're from being a hero." They said, "It takes someone unlovable to love the unlovely." This group of my brothers and sisters in Christ, judged me on my appearances, and Lloyd even though, his smile always reached his eyes (well his good eye), he was always kind to others, he was always gentle. I'm not always gentle, I'll stand up for anyone who can't fight for themselves, I am sometimes loud, I am not always kind (sometimes it's difficult), but this Christmas, as I remember it is the season of love, I count myself fortunate to be unlovable. I have not fought for my country, I haven't done anything significant, but when it comes down to it, I'll stand up for anyone who needs it, and I'll share God's love with anyone that will listen. I'm an unlovable warrior on this earth. That's okay because God's love is all I need. Merry Christmas! Share God's love with someone, anyone who needs it, unlovely or not!

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Christmas Sadness

As Christmas fast approaches, I am pulled down into my usual rut of sadness. I, of course, feel joy because I have my Lord, and my daughter and loved ones, but this post I dedicate to my little boy, my daughter's half brother Isaiah.

Dear Isaiah,
I'm writing this letter to you, as I do every year, to tell you my son that we miss you and love you. That we've had a good but weird year, I worked a lot and was gone a lot. Your sister missed you everyday, every hour, every minute, just as I do. Thinking of you and hoping you are well and happy and well cared for. Worrying about you every day.

In August I met my father, my step mother and two more brothers and Son, they'd love you so much if you were here. You'd be scooped into their loving arms and devoured and loved.

Your grandmother has clammed up and holds her love and fear for you tight inside. The 25th is just around the corner and we will sing to you our birthday wishes, have a celebration of your life, and cry just a little.

You won't know me when you're grown, but I love you and always will, like any mother who's had their child ripped from their arms. You, my Son, are my heart. Goodnight Boy. And Happy birthday. ~Mommy


Lord, I ask of You this Christmas, to allow my eyes to stay fast on You. That you ease my heart of this painful burden, and help Sarah and I to heal. Lord, it's been so long since this child has been away and, yet, for me it could have been yesterday. Father, please hear the plea of this mother, that You keep him close to You. Be protective of His body, mind and soul, and let us one day meet again. In Your Precious Name I pray, Amen.

Love

Do you always feel the Lord's love for you? Do you ever think He has left you? I've always seen the Lord as perfect. He is my Perfect Father, my Perfect husband, and He is the only One who can love me completely. I have a friend, my best friend in some respects, who doesn't feel His love always. He can say that the Lord loves me. He can tell the kids he takes care of that the Lord loves them, but when it comes to himself it's not the same. He see's the Lord as an extension of his imperfect father.

None of us are worthy of the love Christ has for us. No man is deserving of the love and grace and mercy that He gives us. But it doesn't mean He isn't giving it. God is a jealous God. He loves us so much that He is jealous for our affections. I don't know if you have, but I have loved someone and been jealous of their time, and love. If you have then you understand.

God wants everything. Our hearts and our minds and He wants to be the center of our lives. He wants to see us grow and show the same mercy and love and forgiveness to others that He shows us. We are so undeserving of those things and yet, we cast judgment and decide who and when people get mercy and love and forgiveness from us. The Lord is IN LOVE with us. We are His. He is my perfect Parent. He loves me, He always has my back, but when I do something fool hearty, I am rebuked. He disciplines as a loving parent disciplines. How awesome to have that Perfection in my corner! How amazing to know that even when I feel unloved or not good enough or lonely there He is!

When I am lonely He is there, all I have to do is call out to Him. When I am tired and I feel burnt out, I can call Him. When I need rest and I am bogged down... Yep I call Him! I have been His child since day one. My earthy fathers have in some way let me down. Oh I love them, but they are far from perfect. My Heavenly Father NEVER leaves me, NEVER abuses me, NEVER lets me down. He ALWAYS gives me good council, ALWAYS rebukes me gently, ALWAYS answers me.

I am never truly alone. My love, my heart, my God, my ever faithful Father. I am so blessed to be His. Please know, He loves you so much. Every breath, every step, is amazing. You are His child too and He is so in love with you! Brothers and sisters take heart! He will NEVER leave you! He is with you ALWAYS! You are His now and forever!
Don't fight it, He won't ever stop. Be blessed this Christmas and share and enjoy the true and wonderful love of Christ!

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Dear Santa.... or not.

Dear Santa,
It's been a long year. I wasn't ALWAYS good, but it's so hard. Anyway here it is.
1. I want a job with little to no responsibility.
2. The job MUST pay very well.
3. I want a brand new car. Custom. That everyone will notice and be jealous of.
4. I want to win the lottery. I don't want to work ever.
5. I want a mansion. My own T.V. show. and a Hot Husband.
6. I want botox, and lyposuction.
7. I want a to marry a wealthy man, and have affairs with hot men behind his back.
8. I want to be barren because abortions are time consuming.
9. I want a huge wardrobe that shows as much skin as possible.
10. As for the kids I already have, give them what they want and give me the money to send them to boarding school.

Santa, if you give me all these things I promise to be good next year!


Dear Jesus,
Please give me the spirit of giving and making this Holiday all about You. Help me to bring the reason for the Holiday to people who might not even know. Lord, let me bring You to someone who doesn't know You. Let me be a beacon of light to my family and friends and help re direct this day away from the jolly fat man and selfishness and onto You and giving to others and being merciful as You did and You are. And Lord, the woman who wrote that letter above is real. You know that. I don't know her and I can't help her. If You bring her to me, I will try and share You with her. Lord, let me be a disciple for You this Season! That is my Christmas prayer. With all the love in my heart, Your daughter and Servant ~Jen

Merry Christmas to all of you! May the Lord shine bright in your homes and hearts this Holiday Season!

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Life Verse

Everyone has a favorite verse or verses in the Bible. I'd never heard of a life verse until about 2 years ago. I didn't know what it was at all. Another blogger Christine Smith describes a life verse this way "Where do you look now, when the meaning of life verse is not in Wikipedia or Merriam Webster? You look inside your own heart for the meaning! Deep down inside, you have a special life poem, life words, life prayer, or life saying. These important words have become your own life verse, the drive behind your decision making process, the motivation for your work, your life vest during an emergency. Life Verse. Important words to an individual person." I could not sum it up any better than that. I was in a the Christian Book Store and found a ring that said *Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5* and I was moved by this. My mom said it was her life verse and I kind of felt bad because it meant something to me. It still does but I like to say I "borrowed" her life verse until I could find one of my own. A verse that speaks to me. Anything I read in the Bible speaks to me, but you know your life verse when you read it. I was reading in Luke and a passage jumped out at me and my heart said "This is it!" So here it is in all it's glory, my life verse *Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 * It speaks to me and my beliefs. It reminds me to be faithful in my convictions. It tells me that sometimes to be a strong woman of faith I will be criticized and insulted, but if I am strong and firm I will be blessed. I encourage you to find your life verse if you haven't yet. I encourage you to let the Lord guide you on your journey and help you to be strong in your faith. That He give you the words to speak and stand out and be a mouthpiece for the Lord. Until next time...

The link to Christine Smith's article about Life Verses is here: /www.lifeverseblog.com/2009/03/23/what-is-a-life-verse/

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Til death parts us... unless someone better comes along

I feel (and I could be wrong, it wouldn't be the first time) that we don't take the Lord seriously. I joke and find humor in my faith and I feel that God also has a sense of humor. Someone very close to me fell in love. (Awwwww) With his best friends wife. Now this woman was in a rocky relationship with her husband of several years, they were supposedly of a church (a big one) and had 4 kids. Happily ever after. The husband found himself enamored of a woman he worked with. Instead of transferring away from her, instead of coming clean and finding an elder to talk to, he continued and eventually fell. Wife found out. (We always find out) She hedged about their relationship and said she was deciding on whether they should stay together, she spent a lot of time with the person close to me and that became inappropriate. He fell in love. She decided that she wasn't "religious" but "spiritual". The man who fell for her is not a strong man. He's innocent and has not had experiences like this and decided he is more "spiritual" than "religious" as well. While they did not engage in sex they did "fool around" a bit and then she began to push him away... I received the call, of a crushed man who didn't understand. She had decided to stay with her husband and now posts all kinds of "religious" quotes on her facebook page and quotes about how she loves her husband dearly and how amazing he is. I understand. I've actually been in a similar situation, but when I was married my husband was all I saw. I didn't look for other men, I was sadly abused and neglected and I still stayed true to my vow. Even after he had a child with another woman I stayed alone until he realized his mistake. It is so easy to say, I'm finished with this marriage. We are a society of selfish people. "I want what I want how I want it now!" "Until death do we part" is said, but so often it's really "Until I find someone better". How sad is that? Or married couples who engage in sex with other people or swap wives, or have orgies? Whenmy husband stepped out on me I was CRUSHED because he was mine. No one else knew him the way I did. No one knew where his birthmark was, or thought it was as cute as I did, then all of a sudden there was this woman ready to compare notes. When we say our vows we're not vowing to each other, that is a covenant with God. "I will love and cherish and take care of and nurture and respect and OBEY this man forever. Until You Lord separate us in death." We seem to forget the fact that a mere 20 years ago divorce was still pretty taboo. It was a bit more accepted but it wasn't rampant. There was a respect for the covenant. This world is such a mess. It's so incredibly complicated, and I wonder if God ever looks over it and thinks "Why did I say no more floods?" It used to mean something to be married. Now it's enough to live together and have kids and people really only get married because of money, status, and having a wedding. If weddings were not a status symbol and all about the bride, people would be content to live together and have babies out of wedlock. I feel sorry for people. No matter what your faith, whether you have some or not, everyone will stand before God in judgment. I have to be accountable for myself and I think I am prepared to do that. I just couldn't imagine having little or no faith and standing before the Lord and having to say, "Sorry I didn't take You seriously. I was just messing around. I didn't mean it."

Okay guys and also I found my life verse, so I've changed my signature. I'll blog about that in a little bit.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *