Unequally Yolked

I read a blog about unequal marriage... spiritually unequal marriage... it's actually called that, and lately they've been writing about "Out-Loving" their spouses. The blog is written as wives being married to spiritually indigent husbands, and I myself, was once such a wife. So I read it. I, of course, do not plan to marry outside of my beliefs again, but these ideas are great for ALL marriages. Showing extra love and kindness and compassion. Really allowing the love they have for their spouse shine through by doing EXACTLY what the Lord commands us to do... Submit. Aha! The 4 letter word is back! Submit in this case to God and love our husbands! Love him with the love of the Lord! When I was married I tried to submit... I did! I tried! I was submitting to the wrong person. If I had submitted to the Lord, he could have taken over the situation. I submitted to the man and nothing ever changed and things, in fact, got worse. LAME! So, at this time in my life where I am single, I am taking the opportunity to learn from those women who are knowledgeable. Teach me how YOU love someone outside of our faith, so I can better prepare myself to love someone who SHARES my faith! Slam dunk for me! Marriage and relationships aren't perfect, there is no perfect, however, they can be wonderful, and full of joy and excitement and merriment. Sigh. This girl believes. I'm going to leave you with a link and these thoughts to write another article... one of much more serious substance.

Link to the Spiritually Unequal Marriage
or copy/paste this to the address bar...www.spirituallyunequalmarriage.com/my_weblog/2011/10/out-love-your-spouse-the-result.html?utm_source=feedblitz&utm_medium=FeedBlitzEmail&utm_campaign=0&utm_content=520724

Regards, Jen

CA-125

My client has cancer... in case you didn't know. Today we went for an appointment with her oncologist and he checked her blood as always. Before I tell you the news, I'm going to explain one of the blood tests.

The test is called a CA-125. CA stands for Cancer Antigen. It's a test that records the cancer protein marker in the blood. My client started all of this in January with a CA-125 of 174. That's pretty high. She finally started receiving treatment in the end of July beginning of August. Right now, after her third round of chemo, October 19 2011 her CA-125 is a whopping 10! It's gone down 164 points after 3 chemo rounds! That's amazing! We will know more in a few weeks. We have another round of chemo next week and then a PET scan scheduled to look at the cancer site and see what's going on. We went into this knowing that chemo has a 30-40% chance of being useful. Total praise just for this much to have happened! God is certainly bigger than anything we're dealing with down here!

Love and Prayers, Jen

Repairs

My clients home is being remodeled. It started with a leak from the air conditioner drip pan that ruined the floor. It became so much more! We called the property manager and reported that there seemed to be a leak which is molding and discoloring the floor. She came and looked and said my client had obviously lost control of her bladder and ruined the floor. WHAT?!?!? After 3 visits to the house she FINALLY called a contractor and the owner to come look. The contractor gave the option to either repair the spot that was damaged or replace the whole floor throughout the house... LIGHTBULB! What a PERFECT time to remodel. So we're dealing with partial floors and alot of deconstruction! THEN, the water heater started leaking, so I called the property manager again. She came out, looked at the leak and said, "No it's not the water heater." The water puddle, and the stains from previous puddles, were coming DIRECTLY FROM THE WATER HEATER! I just called the contractor at that point. Asked him to please send someone out so THEY could tell her the water heater is leaking.

Yesterday we got our new water heater, today the men came to put in the kitchen floor. Next come ripping out counters, cupboards, and both bathrooms entirely. Then painting the remaining cupboards, and putting granite counter tops in. They are gutting one bathroom at a time and completely remodeling it.


I LOVE the guys who are working here. They're funny and nice and we couldn't have a better crew to work with. I just wish it were all over. ~Jen

Soy = Estrogen!

Nifty note: Soy turns into Estrogen! Kind of... Soy has properties called phytoestrogens which is estrogen LIKE but derived from a plant. I'm kind of excited! When we were at chemotherapy there was a gal who came for a port flush and we ladies started discussing cramps and, well you know, girly things. She mentioned that her cramps were getting so severe that she almost couldn't function. And there really wasn't alot that could be done for her because of drug interactions. She spoke to her doctor who said Estrogen would help and that she should try drinking soy milk to get the phytoestrogen from it. She said it helped immensely! As I get older, my cramps are really severe, and so is my PMS. I know it's not discussed very often, but I'm buying soy milk as soon as I'm off work. If it will help alleviate that kind of pain, I'm for it.

Okay, Jeremy, I know this doesn't really pertain to you, cause you're a guy, so I'm sorry about the girly content. I tried to be delicate for you! :)

For those of you who don't know, Jeremy is my best friend and he reads my blog as I read his. As of now, we have no secrets. :)

Regards, Jen

Dancing and mourning

We went to Chemotherapy yesterday.

I'm going to start with the mourning and end with the dancing... because it's the way it happened, AND because it's nice to have something positive to move to.

Chemo was another 8 1/2 hour day. There weren't very many people there, a few port flushes came in but not many. We found out that one of the women passed on Monday. It was the wife of the couple I spoke of earlier. Chemo affects everyone hard, but for her, she got it all and then some. Every side effect mentioned, she suffered from. It's hard to lose "one of our own." I'm in the club now, because I have a vested interest. And because of my pink doughnut box. :)

Thoughts and prayers go out to Marlene's family in this time, and especially surround her husband as he is dealing with this loss AND still fighting his battle with the C word.

Lord, at this time I lift up Marlene's family, that they may see the blessing in her passing. That they may rejoice that she is safe in Your arms, not hurting, or being sick anymore. Please wrap Your arms around her husband, that he may find strength in You and not give up his fight with this sickness. Lord, losing a fellow cancer patient bring a sense of loss and pain and defeat into our recliner community. Please restore the hearts of those still battling as well. In the sweet name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Now for the dancing. Later in the afternoon our friend Sam came in to be taken off of his pump. Sam was a football player "back in the day" and you can still see how strong he was. He ALWAYS has a smile on his face, and makes the most of everyday.

As soon as he was taken off his pump he bee-lined toward the doughnuts and then sat and chatted for a bit. I mentioned that he almost did a jig when he was finally un-plugged. Sam said he couldn't dance, then immediately said he could, but not now. Teasing, I said,"Come on Sam,show us!" And he did. I saw him hesitate, and I worried for a minute that he was too tired, but soon he had found a song he liked and started busting a move! He danced well. The nurse who hooks us all the IV's and changes the medicine and such missed the dance and between the 2 of us we got Sam to dance one more time.

I know he was tired, but I think the thought of NOT dancing was like saying he couldn't. He found the energy and did it, just so Cancer didn't have the final say. I didn't feel guilty yesterday, I visited, and laughed, and made other people laugh, and of course, brought the pink box. I've added a picture of the recliners and if you look on the desk, you can see the pink box of doughnuts that we brought. Just enough brightness to make people smile.

Regards, Jen

Do Everything You Do...

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song. Reminding us to "do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you". (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3YLJCOKOzM&feature=related) My friend Meghan posted the song on my wall on Facebook and was I ever convicted.

You see when I was married, I was blessed (?!) to get to stay home while my husband worked. I made bread, picked up the house, did laundry, cooked, cleaned... you know, I was June Cleaver minus the pearls and skirt. I didn't do so well at first, I was having trouble with housekeeping and such, but I did get the hang of it and did pretty well.

Now, I work 72 hours a week, and I'm going to be honest, when I get home I don't want to cook. I want to shower and relax. I don't want to do laundry. I want to read and be with my daughter. I don't want to clean. I want to write, and maybe do a craft.

Yesterday I cooked 3 meals in advance. Goulash, Taco meat, and a Chile Relleno Quiche. I did my dishes, managed to do 2 loads of laundry, and help my mom build a dog run. Last night I felt I had accomplished something. This morning not so much.

This morning, (as my daughter's karate outfit is tumbling in the dryer, and I look for my keys, find her shoes in the kitchen and race out the door.) I feel like I forgot who I'm supposed to be doing everything for. I'm convinced we aren't meant to be parenting alone. We aren't meant to be divided the way I am now. Guess I need to remember what it is to be the p31 in training. Because somehow, I lost who's glory I'm supposed to be working for.

This message is coming to you from underneath a large pile of laundry. Clean, but not yet folded and put away.

Regards, One Sad Mom

Good Men... I know they're out there

As a single mom I am always on the lookout for good men. Not to date necessarily, but just to recognize as a good man. Good husbands and fathers specifically.

I read a blog faithfully, as I've mentioned many times before. He is a dad who is all about raising his son to the best of his abilities. He's certainly not perfect, and I'm not saying he is without flaws, but he puts himself out there and leads by example and TREASURES his child!

I watch a vlog on YouTube about a family from the state I call home. The family consists of Mom, dad, and 4 kids. No, they're not perfect, he's not perfect, but their life fits into their family perfection plan. On camera, which is alot of their life, he's loving and fun and attentive. He not just loves his wife, but is IN love with his life. He wants to raise their kids and give them an opportunity to see him succeed!

Both men, are following their dreams. Both, took a shot and decided to blog and vlog and see if any success amounted from it. Both are devoted to their kids, and the one married is very devoted to his wife.

What happened to men like that? Why are they so hard to find? Why do so many men take vows they don't take seriously and make kids who they later just want to throw away?

WOMEN DO IT TOO! But, I'm a woman and men just seem to do it more often.

My daughter wants a dad. That has been her wish since she was 4. Every birthday and every Christmas, she wants a dad. I don't want a relationship JUST because my kid wants a dad, I want a loving marriage that benefits all involved. Since I don't see that happening anytime soon, I'm content to stay single. I fear though, that my daughter is missing someone vitally important in her life simply because it is so easy to be a dead beat parent.

My best friend would make a wonderful husband and father someday so I chalk him up to the good guys too... Someday some woman is going to find a loving, loyal, Christian man in my best friend.

So that makes 3. So,to Jeremy (http://lifeandtreasure.blogspot.com/), Shay Carl (http://www.youtube.com/shaytards), and Danoah (http://www.danoah.com) thanks for being the good guys! Also, my fellow bloggers husband Mr. Amazing can join the group. If it weren't for them, my faith in love, family and relationships would be a far cry from where it is...

Abuse

I just read a comment on a post in a blog I read regularly. I'll put a link at the end to the post.

The post is about an abusive situation the writer saw in Costco last year. And now, he's written a follow up about how that experience, the comments and emails about the post has affected him. One man commented that he felt that the abused child would benefit from hearing that the parent was doing wrong. I did comment on that comment however, I want to talk a little about it here.

I had an abusive parent growing up. I was NEVER naughty in public (very rarely misbehaved at all really) but if someone saw him abuse me, and if another adult talked to him about it, it would have been MY fault. I would then have to go home with this embarrassed parent and bear the brunt of his embarrassment. NO ONE could protect me from that!

I was called into the school counselor's office one day and a friend had reported that I was being abused. She did the right thing! But, I held it against her for a long time. I had to lie and out think a counselor because I knew if HE found out I would get it but good! I lied! "No my daddy would NEVER hit me! He loves me and spends alot of time with me. I don't know why she would say that!" Even if they took me out of the home (I'd have died without my mother) I had a little brother at home. If HE couldn't abuse me, where do you think he would turn? Although he'd never abused him, yet.

People think it's weird that abused kids are 100% loyal to the abuser, but we are, because we have to go home, behind closed doors, away from anyone who will see or hear anything, with them. Can't save them if you don't see it.

Everyone has good intentions, we want to fix it and make it better, but speaking up, may make things worse. It would have for me. Embarrassed abusers, are angry abusers.

Regards, Jen

http://www.danoah.com/2011/09/you-just-broke-your-child-one-year-later.html

Don't Worry... Ummmmm too late.

A couple of years ago my uncle passed away. And, as I've seen family tragedies do countless times before, parts of our family were reunited. There was no falling out really, just a loss of communication. When my mom came home from my uncle's bedside she said that my great aunt was looking for caregivers. I've been a home health care provider in one realm or another since I was 12. I have experience and education, not to mention compassion and a strong will. We thought about this, prayed about it, took it to our church leaders, and finally decided to give it a shot. What could it hurt? What's the worst that could happen? I had so many fears about leaving "home". (My Pro and Con list is still on my fridge.)

I worked anywhere for 72-132 hours a week for 2 years, loved my clients, care for them at the best of my abilities, mourned my losses like a child losing a parent. Investing more of myself into this "job" than I've ever invested in another job. And now, my future is uncertain...

The client I have now, who is extremely ill, is in the middle of a bunch of selfish people who aren't really thinking about her best interest, just about how they can get ahead. It's sick and depraved and I am SO tired of being in the middle. It's a lot of heartache that I can't take much more of.

I'm getting a new boss... today, but have no idea who or when or anything. My client is going in for surgery today, the flooring guys will be here any minute to hopefully put in the floor finally, and I am hanging onto my last shred of sanity it seems sometimes.

I have to decide, also, whether to follow my mom south when this job ends, or whether to go home. If I go home I know she will be disappointed in me, but I hate it here. Will I find someone I trust to shuttle my daughter to and from school while I work? Is it best to go home like I want or to follow my mom somewhere I have no desire to go and suffer in silence? Should I even be thinking about taking my daughter away from her beloved grandmother? The life here is so fast paced, not for me. It just gets worse in the south. I want a quiet little life, with snow, and mountains, and a 9-5 (or at LEAST and 8 hour shift) job where I have time and energy to enjoy my kid.

Ask me what I WANT: I WANT to go home.

I have a very deep thread that wants to please my mom. I HATE disappointing her. I've already done so much of it.

Oh Lord, help me! I'm lost and struggling and I NEED You to guide me!

~Jen

Cancer: my four letter word.

Cancer is a curse word. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of watching people be sick and I'm tired of watching people die.

The woman I work for has cancer and we went through radiation last year and now we're going through chemotherapy treatments. I'm playing fast and loose with the term "we" because I accompany her to the 8 hour treatments, but she really does it all. She sits for the IV and blood tests, she asks all day if she can go home, she is the one who gets exhausted, she's the one who lost her hair. I just sit there and keep her company.

A chemo day...
Go into the office, sign in and wait. When your name is called you have your finger poked for a blood test. (If you're my client you point at me and say "you want her." to try and get out of it.) If the test is good you go to a room in the back which has recliners lining the walls with IV posts in between. Some of the chairs are occupied, a few not, people reading or sleeping. People smile in recognition, greet you if you've shared a rotation. Some look close to death and others, you wouldn't even know are sick. Conversation turns to types, stages, meds, doctors, prognosis', hair loss, wigs vs. scarves and then the tech comes in. Searches for a good vein, pokes, flash and tapes the IV to the arm. Over and over as people come in you watch this one woman take care of everyone. Knowing names, diseases and little details that make her perfect for the job. You watch her poke veins, and ports and laugh and try to make people as comfortable as possible. I feel guilty. I'm well, here because the woman who employs me is sick. Wishing over and over I could ease this pain and fear, and praying in the same breath I don't ever have to do it myself. Feeling guilty for that too.

I bring doughnuts. A couple dozen every time, because the pink bakery box makes everyone smile. A little sweetness during a bitter time.

As we sit I can't read, though I try. All I can do is watch the people go in and out, knit, sleep, do word puzzles.

Someone always comes in, a former patient who'd gone through this before, had fought valiantly comes to visit the team who helped them. It's always a different person. Someone who'd been scheduled to die and yet through drugs and prayer has lived on. Someone who comes in just to say it's not impossible.

The constant, a married couple who has cancer and receives chemotherapy at the same time. They sit side by side, hooked to their IV's, she reads, he sleeps.

Another woman a bit younger than 50, needs to decide whether to have a double mastectomy or not. She's quiet, withdrawn, her mother or sister by her side, in my mind I'm thinking, "How is this a question? Your breasts for your life." But, then I'm not sick. I don't know how I'd really feel in that position. Something I realize is that she is BEAUTIFUL, she's just striking and had my attention when she walked in because it's not often you see such classic beauty. I wonder if she thinks she won't be beautiful anymore if her breasts are removed.

Sometimes I think I know how I would answer if it were me, however, I'm not arrogant enough to say it for sure. I wonder if I'd feel the same if it WERE me.

J, the funny man who you know was once vibrant and witty, sitting in a chair hanging on with all he has. Every week you see him he is weaker and weaker. He smiles that smile that tells of a million jokes he's told before. He's slowly disappearing and one day, he won't greet us. It's in their eyes when they look at him. He's looking at the end.

The first chemo treatment we went to was awful. I thought I could handle it. However, when I went to bed that night I dreamt horrible dreams. The one I remember is I was in the recliner connected to an IV. But, I was old, and had lost my hair, and I was grey and pale. My family didn't know where I was, and when they finally came in, didn't know I was me.

It doesn't matter that there are 20 chairs and 20 people in the room, they're all fighting their own tailor made battle of cancer and NO ONE can come with them. We can sit by the wayside, but the internal battle is fought alone.

I'm tired of cancer. Cancer took my aunt recently. She was vibrant and funny, completely ostentatious and we loved her for it.

Tomorrow is another chemo day so I was hoping this would help for tomorrow. ~Jen

Happy to announce.....

Grace is back home with her family!

MISSING CHILD

Ladies and gentlemen, my cousin is missing, her family is devastated! Please repost this information so that we can bring Gracie home!

Maybe

Maybe we don't talk enough.
Maybe the phone doesn't ring as often as it should.
Maybe we get caught up in our own little worlds, with our kids,
Our pets, our families, and don't take the time for each other.
Maybe it's been so long since we've talked about anything meaningful
that you've forgotten how to hear me.
Maybe it shouldn't take sickness and pain to bring friends together.
Maybe I'm sorry.
Maybe sometimes I'm wrong, and I'm sorry for that.
But, maybe sometimes you're wrong too.
Maybe it's not up to me to decide that.
Maybe my problems are bigger than me, not bigger than God,
but I need you to remind me of that.
Maybe you need me too, and I'm lost.
Maybe this is letting you know that together and apart, I love you.
Maybe you should be able to call me anytime.
Day or night.
Rain or shine.
Winter or Summer.
Spring or Fall.
Thick or thin.
Better or worse.
Maybe.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Puppy Snores (the sweetest things)

The other day I got a puppy. I was raised with dogs and have wanted a good dog since forever. It never seemed like the right time, I wasn't sure I wanted the added responsibility, so even though my heart longed for the four legged companion, I kept resisting.

Last week at work the guys I work for wanted to go to the ASPCA to look at cats. I know me. I know that I should NEVER be unleashed in such a place without supervision. But within minutes there she was! My puppy. My little friend. Still I resisted. I text my mom about her. This adorable 4 month old black lab, with the soulful eyes and sweet temperance. Really I was looking for my mom to tell me I should adopt her. I left the shelter with her sweet face on my mind. I knew a great dog like her would not last long. I looked her up on their website to show my mom and she agreed that this puppy could be my dog. I prayed about it and even tried to put it out of my mind. I work 72 hours a week at minimum, I have a 9 year old, do I need the added responsibility? What if she's not potty trained? What if she is a lemon? LOL In the end my mom went to go see her and asked if she was there did I want her. I was sobbing, my heart was conflicted, but I finally said Yes if she was there I wanted her. Under an hour later my mom pulled into the driveway where I work with my little puppy. They gave her Autum as a name but since it was misspelled I had to change it. She's now my little Lily Bear. Or Lil. She is very sweet and she can already sit, stay, shake, high 5, lay down, load, and drop it. She loves to play tug of war and the only bad habits we need to break her of is chewing on the 9 year old, and barking. But in under a week I say we've accomplished quite a bit. Animals are such forgiving creatures and non judgmental. I associate that from my childhood which is why I wanted a pet so badly. So here I am, a single mom of a 9 year old girl, a 4 month old puppy, 5 month old hamsters, and a 1 month old hamster. We're Jen, Sarah, Lily, Rascal, Buddy and Penelope. We don't do anything significant, we don't sing or dance on command, but we love each other in a crazy, fast paced, messy, cuddly, kind of way!

*The Jesus Loving Princess*
*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

The Tooth Fairy (and other truths)

I have a comment. Again. Two posts in one day. My daughter has basically lost all of her teeth and she had one left. The adult tooth just came in behind her baby one and we decided to let it push the baby one out. The problem with that, is that it wasn't doing it. The baby tooth was loose, but not coming out. I told her to wiggle it and play with it and see if she could loosen it more. Finally, her mouth was making my mouth hurt just to look at the crowding, so I whipped out my pliers. I took a firm hold of the tooth and started to wiggle and gently pull. Nothing. She said she felt like Andrew from Andrew's Loose Tooth by Robert Munsch. She took the pliers from me and headed to the bathroom to try by herself. After a few minutes she came out with tears and the tooth hanging on by a thread. One quick twist and it was out. After the cleanup and comfort I handed her some money for the tooth. She said, "Mom, I knew you were the Tooth Fairy. Just like I know you're "Santa Clause", too. I tried to tell my friends that and they get mad and say there is a Santa." My answer to my daughter and every other parent who's on the fence about Santa and the Gang, "Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny are absolutely real. They are every mommy and daddy who's snuck in their kids room to hunt for the tooth under the pillow and left a quarter, a dollar or an I.O.U. They are every mommy and daddy who's hidden Easter eggs. They are every mommy and daddy who has stayed up until 3 A.M. on Christmas morning assembling the (some assembly required) toys they bought their kids for Christmas."

To say that these entities don't exist would be untrue. I have been all of them at one time or another, for my children and others. Maybe some of us don't buy into the generic stereotypical, commercialized holiday entities, but every parent who has participated in an Easter egg hunt, gifts under the tree, or the buying of little teeth, are these characters. For just a minute, I am Santa Clause/the Easter Bunny/the Tooth Fairy. It's just some of the many things I am. Mother/daughter/sister/chef/referee/ chauffeur/friend/confidante. I just wanted to say that. While I know it's important that the Lord be the center of everything (and He is) I'm good with a little whimsy. I'm even better playing that part.

--
*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Simply JOY

I like simple things. Sometimes I like being domestic. I just well up with JOY when I cook something complicated, or when I make some kind of craft. I like cloudy days that promise rain. Curling up on the couch with a good book and a roaring fire is a simple JOY. I like romance novels. The cynic in me says "That's not real." but the romantic in me hopes that it can be. I like quiet evenings at home. Hot cocoa, popcorn, and a movie with my daughter. I like laying on my back outside watching cumulus clouds. I like forgetting my cell phone once in awhile and being unreachable. I like long road trips. I like getting lost sometimes (but not too lost). I like time spent with the Lord.

In our current society it's easy to be swept up in the pandemonium that is life. It's easy to be too busy and too tired to find simple JOY. I'm certainly guilty of that. One thing I love, it happened last night, is long talks with my daughter. God is certainly good and faithful. He promises us JOY and if we look, we can have it. I'm tired of waiting for the right time. I'm tired of working myself ragged for later. If I die tomorrow, I want my daughter to know that I had JOY. I had exactly what God promised me. What are things that you have in your life that bring you JOY?

--
*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

I am Alexander!

When I was a child one of my favorite books was called "Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day" and Friday February 25th, I was Alexander. If you've never read the children's book it's about a boy named Alexander who just has a horrible day right from the get go. He figures he'll just move to Australia to escape this horrible day and winds up learning that sometime's days are like that, even in Australia. (Sorry if I ruined the ending for you.) Friday I woke up a little late, got myself and my daughter ready for the day and realized I needed to sign her homework. I handed her the keys to my truck, where her backpack was, and asked her to go get it. She came back in, seconds later, saying the truck is not in the driveway. Turns out my truck was stolen. I bought myself that truck last year as a birthday gift, both because I needed a new vehicle, and because it was my dream truck. When I was 16 I saw a picture of a 2000 Dodge Dakota Sport in a magazine and I cut it out and taped it to my wall. Now, someone has stolen it. I've mentioned before that I tend to have seizures when I get too stressed, so I decided that I can't do anything about it other than report it. Maybe having my truck stolen has saved me from and accident or something. God always has a plan! So, I called my mom and asked her to take me to work, and at work I find out the doorknob has fallen off and I have to try to get a repairman out. I went back to my house later (with my client) to start supper for my friend (yummy chili) and I opened the sliding door to get a cross breeze and managed to slam my finger in the heavy door when I pulled it instead of the screen closed... I screamed, I cried, I hyperventilated. My daughter who I had picked up from school called my mom. I thought, "I'm having a terrible horrible no good very bad day." Which made me smile for a second anyway. About 40 minutes later, my daughter came out of my bedroom holding her favorite hamster, Speedracer, who had died. I just nodded, "Yep, that's about right." My mom asked me, "Have you given any thought to just going to bed and pulling the covers over your head?" I'd be lying if I said no. I had a shift to finish, a hamster to bury, and dinner with my friend. I posted on Facebook, "If God is bigger than the boogeyman, then He is certainly bigger than the people who stole my truck." The thing is, I recognize that things could certainly be worse. I also recognize spiritual warfare. I was attacked through my possessions, attacked physically, and my daughter, the person I love most, lost her little buddy so I was attacked through my loved ones. Monday, I bought door and window alarms for my home. It took me awhile to think of it, sleep didn't come easy through the weekend. My security was a little shaken. I was raised in a relatively small military town, where things got stolen, but not from us. Sure, my own terrible horrible no good very bad day had me thinking of running away, but the truth is, God ALWAYS has a plan! He is ALWAYS in control. The evil one can continue to attack me, and I will continue to praise and glorify the Lord! I guess it wasn't a terrible horrible no good very bad day after all. I got to spend a lot of time with my Father that day. Every day with the Lord is a wonderful and amazing thing. I will not be daunted. Regards, Jen

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident. (Psalm 27: 1, 3)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Book Review Life, In Spite of Me

Life, In Spite Of Me by Kristen Jane Anderson with Tricia Goyer

WOW! If I'm being honest the first part of the book brought out my judgmental nature. (Yeah I can be like that sometimes) This young woman went through so many things and can now look back and see the Lord through it all. It is so encouraging to see someone stand up and really follow the Lord through life, especially when things have a tendency to get us down. The story is well written and very honest in the account of her life. It's amazing to be able to follow someone through their trials and see their testimony through written word. Kristen has painted a very real and vivid picture of what she was thinking and feeling during her experiences. I found myself relating and in tears more than once. There is certainly a message to touch any heart going through struggles. Great book. Great testimony!

“I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review”.

--
*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

It's V-Day!

Valentine's Day fast approaches and I am kind of disappointed. This year I have friends hosting "I hate Valentine's Day" parties. I have gotten texts and calls from some who are angry that they don't "have someone". Valentine's Day just like any holiday is the perfect chance to witness a little. Valentine's Day has always been the same for me. Nothing out of the ordinary. I buy cards and/or gifts for friends and family, and my daughter is my valentine. One year I got her a bike, this year it's a Barbie jet. She's my valentine. I don't need flowers and gifts to show my love and appreciation for the special people in my life. Holidays are just another day to share our love for our friends and family, and remember God's love for us. You can turn ANY holiday into a godly day. I'm a girl, I would LOVE to be married to the guy that the Lord has in mind for me (if He has one in mind, that is) and I'd LOVE to be wooed and cherished and spoiled and romanticized, but for now, I will spend my holidays and this Valentine's Day celebrating my love for my family and friends, and knowing that no man can love me quite like the Lord does. (I bought a card for my best friend, and modified it.) I love holidays. I love any excuse to make or send a card to say that someone is special to me and most importantly to the Lord. Valentine's Day is more than a day for people "in love".

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen (Ephesians 3:16-21).

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved (Ephesians 2:4-5).

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies (Psalm 36:5).

How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 36:7).

Within your temple, O God, we meditate on your unfailing love (Psalm 48:9).

But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever (Psalm 52:8).

But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness (Psalm 86:15).

Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever (Psalm 136:26).

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness" (Jeremiah 31:3).

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (Zephaniah 3:17).

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends John 15:13).

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love (John 15:9).

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:35-39).

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved (Ephesians 2:4-5).

Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 5:2).

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:4-5).

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins (1 John 4:9-10).

Lord, I ask that You come into the hearts and minds of those shunning this day. This perfect day to tell anyone and everyone of Your true love for us. You are a true romantic Lord, You gave me flowers blooming outside my door, the sweet song of the birds, and the precious laughter of my daughter, Your daughter. No one has ever loved me that way before or will after. Your loved is not equaled. Lord, I ask that every man or woman without a valentine this year, find You as their One True Love. That every person seek You and find You and know that there is no amount of gifts or money spent that can parallel Your love for them. Lord, comfort the lonely, and allow even the most in love couples realize that it is not without You. Thank You for Your steadfastness in my life. In Your Sweet name I Pray Jesus, Amen.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Apologize

I apologize. I haven't posted in a week or so, and it's not that I don't have things to say. I have so many things that I just can't seem to keep up. So I apologize.

That was the perfect intro to one subject that's been on my mind. I don't know about you but saying "I'm sorry" can be a truly humbling experience. (I know cause I have to do it A LOT) It's hard but I do it. That's something I think we've come to toss around like it's nothing. On one of our lasts days at our old church I really said something rude, and it wasn't just the words, but the tone was horrible. When I went to apologize the man said, "Ok.". I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I'm not saying "I'm sorry" I'm sincerely apologizing for the way I spoke to you, both what I said and the way I said it." People are taken aback, because I don't want someone to say "it's okay", obviously it was NOT okay, I want someone to know that I am sincere, that I mean it, and I want them to accept my apology and forgive me. If I told you what it was about, you would agree that it would be frustrating, and if I told you what I said you would maybe even agree with my choice of words, but if you had heard the WAY I said it, you'd gasp a little, click your tongue, shake your head, and say "Jen, it's just not okay to talk that way to people." I ask you to watch in your everyday lives how many times you say "sorry", and how many times people say "it's okay" and how often things would be better rectified by a sincere humble apology.

When we come to our Father and say "sorry" He will accept it, if we continue the behavior and say "sorry" it starts to lose meaning, we have to say "sorry" with our whole heart and ask that the Lord forgive us. We should be beacons of His Light to others and continue on in this way.

Apologizing to anyone (especially the Lord) can be completely humbling. How do you like your crow? *I like mine deep fried and covered in gravy* Think of a time where someone went against you and a sincere apology would go a long way to rectify your feelings. We're sincere with the Lord, let's be sincere with each other.

James 5:16

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Book Review *Great Information*

I Don't Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist written by Frank Turek and Norman Geisler.

This book is full of some great examples for Christianity vs Atheism. The introductions have some amazing personal anecdotes, it's a simple matter of finding an understanding. I had the privilege of Norman Geisler being a guest speaker at my church one week and sharing so much information with us. I work with a man who is an atheist and I find it hard to talk to him (let alone try to witness to him) because I have no understanding of being an atheist. He is actually why I wrote my blog to non believers.

Geisler and Turek take on science, other denominations, and other religions as well as atheism and show how faith is present in all circumstances. It has given me a calmer attitude when I am working with this gentleman where before I just felt anxious. This man's father was a minister and his mother was an atheist. He always felt closer to his mother, so it's not like the Word was not in his life he simply chose to ignore it.

This book is filled with diagrams, history, and different on topic explanations that have certainly benefited my studies as well as personal growth in my Christian walk. At first I put off reading it because it seemed like so much information at once but I took it chapter by chapter, took my time, really read what was being said, and found an absolute power in their teaching. Oh, how the Lord works through people to reach us.

If you are studying to have a ministry, or just like to learn about diversity, or maybe just for personal growth, this is an amazing resource.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Hold up wait a minute...

So, I was at work the other day, when the doorbell rang. When I opened it, standing there, was a young man and a boy. The man and I exchanged greetings and then I waited for him to tell me why he was there. He said, "I want to ask you a question. Do you think God cares about you?" Without hesitation I said, "Absolutely!" He seemed baffled for a second. (I have no idea what he was thinking) He said he was glad I had said that. Asked me if I would accept a "Watchtower" from him (which I did) and asked if he and another person could stop by sometime. (A woman I'm sure) I said sure he could try, but I'm not always there and let him know when I work there. Why did I do it? Mormon and Jehovah's Witness Missionaries do not fit into my belief system. They have different doctrinal beliefs. So why did I not slam the door in his face? Why didn't I tell them that I felt that his beliefs twist my Bible and are inappropriate? Why didn't I yell at him, call him names, curse at him, or turn him away? He wouldn't be out on a foggy cold day, if he did not believe in what he was talking about. He wouldn't have his small brother out on a foggy cold day if he didn't believe in what he was talking about. It doesn't matter what the denomination is we all feel convicted of our beliefs. And there are Christians in every church. Plus these missionaries get enough door slamming, swearing, mistreatment. I'm not going to be one of them. Welcome to my home, we can discuss whatever you like, if you want to have a discussion. I am strong in my convictions. So let's chat. I cannot be mean and rude to someone who wants to save me. Right or wrong, they're trying to save me. I have cousins and aunts and uncles who are affiliated with certain churches I don't necessarily agree with. However, they are my family and I love them and they're amazing people. The people who come to your door are someone's brother, sister, aunt, uncle, mom, dad etc. Respectfully decline their presence in your home, but come on, don't be mean.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

How TV made me cry

I was flipping through the TV channels today when this woman came on all prepped for surgery. Those who know me already know that I am fascinated by operations, autopsies, and the general functions of the body. For those that don't know me, I begged them to let me watch my own C-section. I'm not into gore, I have a very curious nature.

So, there's a woman all prepped and I stopped to watch. (Didn't even see the incision). However, all of a sudden there is a baby, and a mostly unconscious mom, and a brand new daddy. Now this daddy, very different from my daughter's father, was taking pictures of the baby, even all covered in goo. He was kissing his wife's forehead, telling her what he was seeing, he was asking if she was okay, he thanked her. He kissed her forehead, and thanked her for their brand new child. He had a look of pride when he was looking at his daughter... his face said "That's MY baby. I made that". The cameras picked back up when they were in recovery, dad had gone to buy flowers for his wife. He was in a chair right by her bed touching his wife's arm and his daughter at the same time. They were all linked, tears in his eyes... so thankful everyone was okay.

I sobbed. I'm tearing now because I feel robbed. My daughter was born 361 days after I was married. They started inducing me 12 days after my EDD (estimated due date) on Wednesday September 12 at 6 am. I finally had my daughter Saturday September 15th at 4:19 am. My husband was there the whole time. Walked with me in the hospital all Wednesday. Walked through the town all Thursday. And sat in the room all day Friday. Only he wasn't walking beside me. He was behind me pushing me. Telling me how a real woman wouldn't have to be induced. Friday the whole family showed up. My water broke after 13 hours of Petocin in an IV and after they tried to break my water. Labor hit fast and hard. My mom, my aunt, my brother, my husband, his mom, his two sisters, his father, our pastor and his wife, several nurses, my doctor, a few interns, an anesthesiologist, and two women who made a wrong turn were all there. (The two women just stayed and chatted for a bit, they didn't really bother me) My husband had taken the birthing classes with me, but refused to help me remember to breathe. My mom was telling him he needed to help me and he just shook his head and sat on the other side of the room. She hadn't had a child in 14 years but she did her best, and we were turning purple from all the panting... :) I love my mom. My aunt took over and we managed until the anesthesiologist showed up. I had planned on trying to have a natural birth but things were not going my way. As I was pushing my husband said "Glad to see you finally getting some exercise." I hadn't gained too much weight, I've never been skinny, but was healthy. That moment made me stop. I stopped trying to push. I just laid there and waited. Finally my doctor came in and said if I didn't start pushing he was taking her. I looked at my husband and shrugged at the doctor. I remember saying "Do what you have to do." There were funny moments, at one point someone said the word "placenta" and my brother who was 14 at the time said, "Isn't that that flower you get at Christmas?", it was so funny that 9 years later we all still laugh about it. There were moments of compassion, my MIL rubbed my feet a little bit to try and help me relax. Mostly though, I remember the heartbreak. They finally wheeled me into the O.R. and my husband was there near my head, but my anesthesiologist was the one talking to me, he was holding my hand, he was the one telling me I was doing a good job, that it was almost over. I remember when she was born and she started to cry my first thought was, "Who brought a baby in here? Don't they see I'm having surgery?" The drugs were strong. My husband completely disconnected from me at that point. I was in pain from the C-section for several weeks and if I said anything about it he'd say, "A real woman wouldn't have had a C-section." If I asked for help with the baby is got, "You wanted it." And I relive all that anytime someone I know is pregnant, or even someone I don't know. I read a blog today from Monday January 17. I'll post the link at the bottom. This woman calls her husband Mr. Amazing. In one of her other posts I read that she found as she has been calling him that she believes it more and more. I have another name for my ex husband.... (slightly evil grin) I'm kidding. She posts about how great of a father he is, how great of a husband he is. I was just thinking, "Thank you God. I'm so thankful you have made men that have integrity." That's how TV made me cry... That's my story of labor and delivery. I'm sure my friend Jeremy wanted to know all that. (Sorry Jeremy) ;) I was under the impression during my pregnancy that our child would bring us closer. And after my pregnancy I saw us falling further and further apart. Jealousy, anger, fear, pain...they made up marriage. They were also, what ruined it. I love how God is faithful. That He has made men of integrity, of faith, of Godliness, men in His own image, because if that is what I have to look forward to, for my daughter's future, I'd be afraid. And even now, almost done with this very personal insight, as I'm feeling heartbroken, the Lord is faithful, He is holding me up, wiping my tears, telling me that He will never leave or forsake me. That I am a "real" woman. That I am strong and brave and His. That I am HIS daughter. And I am not sad anymore. I've shared because I am right now watching a friend (non believer) go through this SAME thing. Her "partner" stands in the back watching her struggle through her pregnancy, and I am thinking how alone she must feel, because at least I had my Father to lean on.

Mr. Amazing post link: http://servantwifemother.blogspot.com/2011/01/mr-monday_17.html

Be thankful for your spouse. They will never be perfect, but they could be like mine was... LOL I'm kidding. He had his good points, but they disappeared very quickly. If I ever marry again I think I will use this technique and refer to my husband as something wonderful, because it's easier to believe it if you say it. Thank you Heather!


*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

My Plan/His Plan

I was thinking about things the other day. I was thinking about the plans I had for my life. (You know that old saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your life plans.") I remember wanting to go to The Moody Bible Institute in Chicago. It was my college of choice. I had no back ups. It's where I needed to go. I can remember wanting to be a lawyer, a pediatrician, a surgeon, a nurse, a member of search and rescue, a chef, a mom, a wife, a social worker, an author, an artist, and the most interesting for my personality, a teacher. I didn't go to the Moody Bible Institute. I'm not any of the things I wanted to be. (Except a mom) I'm waiting. I will be someday. I'm waiting for God to say.. "GO!". I keep laying out my dreams, looking to God, "how about this one?". Sometimes I wish He would let me in on His plan for me. Just a little. All I know at this point is that it's big. I'm building up for His work. Strapping on the artillery, putting on the gear, fitting into the armor, carrying the sword. I may not do anything I had planned or wanted... but I'm gonna be a warrior. I'm going to keep standing, keep praying, keep learning, and keep loving the Lord, because when He finally calls me... I'm going to be ready to go.

Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. 2 Timothy 2:3 (KJV)

The Armor of God

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should. Ephesians 6:10 (NIV)

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Book Review (My favorite)

One of my favorite books of ALL TIME is called "HELP! I'm Being Intimidated By The Proverbs 31 Woman" by Nancy Kennedy.
This book is actually no longer in print and I've purchased it through used bookstores and Amazon.com. I first read this book when I was 18 years old. My ex husband was 19 and I was pregnant with our daughter. Everyday I was badgered and hounded and plagued by the "submission rant". Him, his mom, his dad... over and over and OVER! They made submission ugly and something to be feared. I picked the book up randomly while looking for someone, some author, to help me. I was alone up against a force bigger than me. "Bullies" if you will. Nancy Kennedy took the 31st chapter of Proverbs and made it funny and really let her bold and beautiful personality and cleverness shine through. She made me understand what it takes to be a VW (no not Volkswagon, silly!) virtuous woman. She made it okay to not be perfect, and she let me see her own struggles. In my case the battle was hard and not one I would ever win. I have a clear understanding of submission and a wife's role. She was a friend and mentor when I needed one, and she continues to be a light to me. Even though I am not married anymore, I'm hopeful. She has several other books available, all wonderful,but this is one that really impacted me and who i am today.

Sisters Martyr

SISTERS MARTYR

I’m standing in the arena

The crowd is out for blood

My sisters huddle against me,

We’re surrounded by Your Love.

I say a silent Prayer to You

“Lord please help me to be bold.”

I start to sing a hymn we know

My sisters grab a hold.

Jehovah, Lord, you are my God

You’ve delivered us from sin

You’re in charge, You’re the King,

You’ll deliver us again.

They’ve let the beasts out

They can smell our fear

We sing louder for You, God

They are so very near.

The crowd has fallen silent

They don’t know what to do.

Cause though we’re truly terrified,

We’re singing Lord to You.

They’re circling our huddle

We’re standing strong before the beasts

It’s going to start any minute,

Their breath is hot upon our cheeks.

Tears are falling freely now,

Screams begin to fill the air.

I’m still singing for You, Lord

Though, this is much to bear.

The crowd is still silent,

My sisters are all with You.

I raise my voice even higher,

As the beasts come into view.

They asked me to renounce You,

To say I’ll bow to their king,

Lord, I welcome this chance,

This is why I sing.

As I tell my tale to you,

Beyond the Pearly Gates

I know I pleased you Father,

In a war against pure hate.

Jennifer Grimm

This poem was inspired by the first chapter of the book "Martyr of the Catacombs" -- author unknown.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Choices

Last year I was in prayer for God's will on a very difficult issue. Oh, that wonderful Father, He steadied His hand on me and said "Wait." I find myself in another precarious position, once again telling God that I want His will. If you know me, you know I have a stress disorder that causes seizures if I get too overloaded. If you don't know me, well, now you know. Here I am, trying so hard not to over think, or get too anxious, because let's face it, when has a hospital bill or losing a driver's license helped anyone. My mom just looks at me and says "Jen, this is where faith comes in." Yes, Mom it is. When I was younger, ahem, 21 ish, I prayed fervently about my situation, I stressed and allowed fear and anxiety to rule my heart and mind and refused to believe what Veggietales had taught me (no not that veggie pirates are lazy) but that "God is bigger than the Boogeyman!" I am standing here, looking over the edge of uncertainty, looking for a bridge, or a rope swing, or even a guy with a helicopter, knowing that I'm just going to have to jump. This time, I refuse to take my eyes from the Lord. I refuse to even entertain for a minute that I am in this alone. I refuse to stress over it. Every time I have tried to take over, every time I take the reigns from the Lord, I end up in a rut. On my knees crying out, "Lord, help me get out of this awful mess I made!" Here I am once again running at the edge of uncertainty, just as fast as I can, because I know He'll be there to catch me. Maybe at the bottom, maybe in the middle, or just maybe, this time, He'll help me learn to fly. I am who God say I am. I can be who God says I can be.
Also, I quickly want to appeal to my brothers and sisters for prayer for one of my cousins. They're family is experiencing something very difficult and they need all the prayers and uplifting they can get. Thank you so much.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Faith for the non believer

Let's be honest, if you're reading my blog and you are a non believer, you're thinking..."Bible thumping, goody goody, Jesus Freak." I've been called worse. I have a question for you. Before I ask it, I want you to know that I'm not judging you. I know that not all people will become believers, that not all will come to know God, that some people will mock Him, and me. It is my job to offer you what I know and love most, my God. Whether you take it or not is not going to affect me and my relationship with my Lord. Christians will sometimes browbeat non believers to get them to come to Christ when, in fact, a majority of the time, it does the opposite. It's the infamous "If being a Christian means being like you... no thanks." I'm a Christian. I love God more than anyone or anything in my life. I'm perfectly comfortable saying that. Now for my question. If the two choices for death are being "worm bait" and having a life afterward with a loving God... why would you choose nothing? I'm not afraid to die. God has promised me wonderful things, and that beats out nothing. I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm afraid of the dark. Just a little but I don't want to die and be buried in the dark. I want to die and then live again in the light. In the glorious Light that is my Savior. If I didn't believe, I'd be afraid to die. I'm not losing anything by being a Christian. I'm gaining so much. I KNOW God is real. I'd be so afraid if all I had to look forward to is the dark. I'm not brow beating, I'm not judging, I'm asking... Why choose nothing, when you can have Everything?

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

I am who God says I am

When I lived back home (in Idaho) I was going to church and we had an amazing affirmation. It is, "I am who God says I am, I can be who God says I can be, no more excuses, no more delays, I have greatness in me, in Jesus' name." Sometimes I forget that. I get so busy, I work so much, I forget me, a lot. Everything I do for the last 9 months or so has been on auto pilot. I don't taste food, I simply eat because it's habit. I don't rest, I sleep because I'm supposed to. I stopped singing. Now, I love to sing... but somehow I stopped doing it. The other day I was listening to music, realized I haven't sang my heart out in a long time, and panicked. So I turned up the tunes, opened up my diaphragm, and warbled like never before. I'm not a great singer, I'm not even close, but I was out of practice and it scared me. What if I can't get it back? I was "that" kid growing up. I never had a broken bone, never had any serious injuries, always hung on the edge of safety. I tried my hardest to blend in, I didn't speak in classes, I tried to fly under the proverbial radar. And I always failed. People notice me. When I'm quiet it's intense, until I'm comfortable, I'm quiet. I make people uncomfortable. When my peers were experimenting with cigarettes, alcohol, sex and later drugs, I was calling my mom for a ride home. When my friends were hiding from their parents I was bringing friends to church (when I could encourage them to go) I've always been different. I hang back and see what happens, I people watch instead of join in, I look everywhere for danger. I was never invisible to the Lord. He always saw me, He always heard me. Here I am with the great gift, this one life, and I keep fading into the background, afraid. I don't want to be afraid. I'm not going to be. I'm going to live life out loud. I'm going to sing, as loud as I can, I'm going to learn to play my guitar, I'm going to do the things I was afraid to before. I'm going to stand up for Christ, praise Him with everything I have, and not try to blend into the background, that's how you get lost. I am who God says I am. I can be who God says I can be. No more excuses, no more delays. I have greatness in me, in Jesus' name!
And so do you.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *

Blessings

It's so easy to praise God when we have abundant blessings. It almost rolls off our tongues automatically.... "Thank God... I got that job, I got there safely, My kids are safe." "Thank God." Yesterday, I was working and my client had a PET scan which took two and a half hours! No one told me I'd be in a waiting room for that long, but for Christmas my mom bought me a Nook by Barnes and Noble. Yesterday I was seriously thanking God for allowing us the technology we have. I sent my mom this text message"Thank God and you for the Nook. This is taking forever!" I meant it, it wasn't a flip 'Thank God." Plus it was wonderful because I was able to use it as a tool to witness a little. There's ALWAYS an opportunity to talk about God. It started out so innocently. Random guy in the waiting room: "Is that one of those ebook thingys?" Me: "Yeah it's great." Random guy: "What kind of books do you have and how much do they cost." Me: "I have several novels from the free nook book store,(Hook) some I purchased, (Line) would you like to take a look?" Random Guy: "Well, sure, what are you reading now?" Me: (smile) "Right now I'm studying." Random Guy: "Studying what?" Me: (bigger smile) "The book of Job." (Sinker) Random Guy: "I tried reading the Bible once. It's too big. Too much information for just saying "be good to other people." The ensuing conversation made some others uncomfortable. But then, that's okay. We looked over a passage or two. Talked about it. Bottom line..... Thank God for my Nook.

Is is so easy when we're suffering? I found it hard when I was out of work, when I didn't have a home, when my life was painful, to remember to praise God. I found ways. I'm happier when I can praise Him. "Praise God I have this opportunity to spend time with my daughter." "Praise God, You're going to teach me something aren't You?" Those were my main praises. I have to remind myself that He is in control of my situation. Sure, I have free will, but when I flex my muscles and try and take control things usually get more difficult until I finally let go and let God take over. Sometimes, I literally throw my arms in the air and say "Whatever God. Whatever Your will is, I want it." That's what faith is, it's looking at nothing, knowing that God will make something out of it. It's submitting to something amazing, letting go of what you never had control of in the first place. Even when I fail, when I just KNOW I've let Him down, I remind myself that I haven't surprised Him. He knows my story. He knows the ending. It's like when we were kids. We'd sit on our mom or dads laps in the car "steering", but they always worked the pedals, and they were always close enough to take the wheel. As Carrie Underwood's song says, "Jesus take the wheel." Take control and remind me to praise You, to love You, to put the thankfulness first, so that You may be honored.

*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Luke 6:22 *