Don't Worry... Ummmmm too late.

A couple of years ago my uncle passed away. And, as I've seen family tragedies do countless times before, parts of our family were reunited. There was no falling out really, just a loss of communication. When my mom came home from my uncle's bedside she said that my great aunt was looking for caregivers. I've been a home health care provider in one realm or another since I was 12. I have experience and education, not to mention compassion and a strong will. We thought about this, prayed about it, took it to our church leaders, and finally decided to give it a shot. What could it hurt? What's the worst that could happen? I had so many fears about leaving "home". (My Pro and Con list is still on my fridge.)

I worked anywhere for 72-132 hours a week for 2 years, loved my clients, care for them at the best of my abilities, mourned my losses like a child losing a parent. Investing more of myself into this "job" than I've ever invested in another job. And now, my future is uncertain...

The client I have now, who is extremely ill, is in the middle of a bunch of selfish people who aren't really thinking about her best interest, just about how they can get ahead. It's sick and depraved and I am SO tired of being in the middle. It's a lot of heartache that I can't take much more of.

I'm getting a new boss... today, but have no idea who or when or anything. My client is going in for surgery today, the flooring guys will be here any minute to hopefully put in the floor finally, and I am hanging onto my last shred of sanity it seems sometimes.

I have to decide, also, whether to follow my mom south when this job ends, or whether to go home. If I go home I know she will be disappointed in me, but I hate it here. Will I find someone I trust to shuttle my daughter to and from school while I work? Is it best to go home like I want or to follow my mom somewhere I have no desire to go and suffer in silence? Should I even be thinking about taking my daughter away from her beloved grandmother? The life here is so fast paced, not for me. It just gets worse in the south. I want a quiet little life, with snow, and mountains, and a 9-5 (or at LEAST and 8 hour shift) job where I have time and energy to enjoy my kid.

Ask me what I WANT: I WANT to go home.

I have a very deep thread that wants to please my mom. I HATE disappointing her. I've already done so much of it.

Oh Lord, help me! I'm lost and struggling and I NEED You to guide me!

~Jen