Abuse

I just read a comment on a post in a blog I read regularly. I'll put a link at the end to the post.

The post is about an abusive situation the writer saw in Costco last year. And now, he's written a follow up about how that experience, the comments and emails about the post has affected him. One man commented that he felt that the abused child would benefit from hearing that the parent was doing wrong. I did comment on that comment however, I want to talk a little about it here.

I had an abusive parent growing up. I was NEVER naughty in public (very rarely misbehaved at all really) but if someone saw him abuse me, and if another adult talked to him about it, it would have been MY fault. I would then have to go home with this embarrassed parent and bear the brunt of his embarrassment. NO ONE could protect me from that!

I was called into the school counselor's office one day and a friend had reported that I was being abused. She did the right thing! But, I held it against her for a long time. I had to lie and out think a counselor because I knew if HE found out I would get it but good! I lied! "No my daddy would NEVER hit me! He loves me and spends alot of time with me. I don't know why she would say that!" Even if they took me out of the home (I'd have died without my mother) I had a little brother at home. If HE couldn't abuse me, where do you think he would turn? Although he'd never abused him, yet.

People think it's weird that abused kids are 100% loyal to the abuser, but we are, because we have to go home, behind closed doors, away from anyone who will see or hear anything, with them. Can't save them if you don't see it.

Everyone has good intentions, we want to fix it and make it better, but speaking up, may make things worse. It would have for me. Embarrassed abusers, are angry abusers.

Regards, Jen

http://www.danoah.com/2011/09/you-just-broke-your-child-one-year-later.html