Changes

Life is so full of changes. Good and bad. When I look back at who I was, who I used to be... Sometimes I'm sad and I miss than Jen. Remembering what it used to be like to be so emotional, to hurt so badly for others who struggled, and now to have barely a pitying tolerance for other people. Hating feeling this way and wondering how I can change it. And other times I look back and see "her". The Jen I hated. And oh my goodness when the "what-ifs" start in on me. I think about how far I've come and think about how much farther I have left to go and it's terrifying for me. It's one thing to say "I'm letting God take control of my life", and another to look out into the abyss and see nothing. I feel like I am standing at a giant precipice and the fog around me is so thick I can barely see, and I know that I'm supposed to jump, I know in my heart that there is a safety device rigged to catch me, but in my mind I'm terrified. That's what leaps of faith look like. And I know I'll do it, and I know He will catch me, but I'm almost paralyzed with fear. When I look back through the fog I see who I was, and I know after I leap I'll be someone new. I don't want to go back, but I'm so afraid of going forward and standing still is not an option. It's here my soul cries "Lord, catch me, quiet my heart, and help me keep my eyes on You!"


*The Jesus Loving Princess*

*Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5*