Forgiveness is such a touchy subject in my family. We are all abuse survivors of some kind or another. From the oldest to the youngest. We've dealt with the oppression of some kind of physical abuse. I had to let go. I physically cannot survive anger. It's painful, and stress causes me seizures. To me, anger is like cancer, it spreads through your body slowly taking over. It starts physically, then takes over emotionally, and spiritually even. It can consume every bit of you. It tarnishes and makes Holy things unclean. I'm judged harshly. I am judged by my flesh and blood for being someone who can forgive. I told my mom I had a good childhood one day. She looked at me as if I had grown another head. I gave all the ugliness and pain to God. It wasn't instantaneous. It was hard and it took a long time to be able to say "I forgive _enter name here_". But I did and I can say it with full confidence of it being true. During my marriage I went through some serious struggles. I forgave him for one after a lot of growth in my Savior. God's grace allows us to forgive others. I reconciled my marriage and was ever faithful and yet, another even more serious situation arose. My heart screamed, "How God? Why God? I've been faithful. I let go of the first indiscretion." And, this one was against my child. Angry? Yes. Bitter? Yes. Ready to break a serious commandment? Oh Yes! And yet, I didn't. I played the game. I took on guilt that I was allowed to set down. I get to give my burdenous cross to the Lord. It took a long time. Recently my daughter had written in a school journal that she hates this person. I told her this is not an allowable statement. The Bible calls us to honor our father and mother. It doesn't say only if they deserve it. I mentioned that she should forgive her father and pray for his salvation and that I have. She looked at me as if I had betrayed her. For a moment, I felt as if I had. I believe that the Lord let's us experience things for a reason. To learn. Sometimes it's to call us back to Him when we've strayed too far. I am confident that by the time my daughter is of legal adulthood she will have forgiven her father. When the time comes all she will have to say to him is "I forgive you." That is my prayer for my daughter. That she can let go and let God heal her of the pain and past. And He can! He is so awesome and amazing that He can break any and all barriers and hardships. He can make something good out of nothing special. By the way, being angry and bitter only hurts you. The person you're mad at, sometimes, doesn't even know it. So let it go. Anger is like cancer. It will tear through you until it takes over.
Lord, I ask that whoever reads this, if anyone, will come to know You or have a strengthened relationship with You. That they lay down the burdens of their heart, leave them at Your feet and learn to forgive. God, I ask that You lay Your hand on anyone who needs to forgive and remind them that You are waiting to take over. Lord, keep my heart focused on You that I may write and speak as You move me. I thank you for the passion I have for You and the passion I have for writing. Thank You for being my true Father! In Your Son Jesus' Holy Name, Amen.
*The Jesus Loving Princess*
*Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5*
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